¡Me gustan intercambios!

Tonight I had my first intercambio through CIEE. In an intercambio, each American student is paired up with a native Spanish speaker (almost all were current university students) and given almost two hours to talk about whatever, instructed to speak half the time in Spanish and half the time in English so each person could practice their non-dominant language.

Well that's how it's all set up, but obviously things never go according to plan. Some of the native Spanish speakers didn't show up, so sometimes two or three Americans were fighting for talk time with one Spaniard. There were some tables and chairs but nowheres near enough for the 70 people crammed in the one narrow space. People roamed around freely, so the pairings did not last long and the free food was devoured quickly. There was some free beer (no matter how many times I see alcohol available as part of an official program function it still makes me bristle) and soda and I was happy that I could grab a lemon Fanta. If you get a chance to come to Spain you should definitely try a lemon Fanta, it's the perfect middle ground between sprite and lemonade.

I talked a lot with a girl named Sandra. I was so happy that we had something we could talk about because she is coming to the U.S. in the spring to study for the semester at Boston College. I had all of this advice that I could give her about the city so I was helping her out, and I also felt really comfortable talking about the city that I love that it didn't really bother me that I was speaking in Spanish. We spoke in Spanish the entire time because she said that she didn't need to practice English. I really think that with more opportunities like this I can really improve my speaking skills. I was so pleased that she was patient with me when I needed time to gather my thoughts and took the time to answer my questions when I wasn't sure how to articulate something.

I just feel so much better when I can understand someone when they are speaking Spanish. I know that they are speaking a lot slower than they would to another native speaker, but I still think that it counts- even though I can't listen very well to the Spanish I hear everyday in the streets, the more that I listen to Spanish in any form the more that my ears will get used to the sounds. Some people here might criticize me for the amount of t.v. that I watch (or have on in the background- Buffy the Vampire Slayer is on at the moment) but 90 percent of the time I watch it with Spanish audio. I use the Spanish subtitles when I can, but I do see myself eventually not needing them. If watching t.v. helps me with my Spanish then I am going to watch it! (Also, it is nice to have some noise in my room otherwise I do feel like I am in some sort of padded cell because everything is so white and stagnant.)

I wish that people in the program would try harder to only speak in Spanish. It is really difficult because there is so much that we want to say to each other than we don't know how to express in Spanish, so we switch back to English without even realizing it. I don't think there is a way to fix that really. So I need to dedicate some time to finding more intercambio partners. Luckily there are resources available, apparently there is a great demand for native English speakers. This surprises me quite a bit because it seems like there are a lot of American or British students wandering the streets, but the situation works out in my favor so I'm not going to question it.

nikki

Back to reality

La Mercé festival ended last night with the best fireworks show I have ever seen, and this is from someone who has always worshipped the display for 4th of July in Boston. This picture doesn't do it justice at all, but I thought it gave an idea as to how the fireworks occurred above the famous fountain at Montjuic. It was very calming to be in solidarity with so many people, foreign and Barcelona born alike, just enjoying the moment as the show exploded before us. It is often difficult for me to keep my mind focused in the present, but throughout the 35 minute show I was positively captivated. You could really just feel how happy people were for the celebration, and it just seemed like a great way to end the mini vacation before classes started...

Which was today. I had two classes, Literature and Film of Barcelona/Madrid and Communications and Society in Spain. Obviously I'm worried about both, but there is no way to tell for sure what is in store from the first class. The communications class seems like it is a bit over my head because I have no communications background and 50% of our grade is a final group project in which we have to produce a 5 minute radio spot complete with interviews and in depth journalistic insight. I think what really disappoints me is that all of the other students in my classes are American. I knew that there would not be Spanish students in the classes but I was lead to believe that other international students would be. I don't have control over this, but it is a let down because I was expecting to be able to meet non-Americans and perhaps forget a few positive acquaintances with people of different cultures. I have little desire to meet more Americans and be subjected to more of the same outlook. That sounds a lot harsher than I meant it...

My main academic objective here is to improve my Spanish. The subjects I'm taking are interesting to me, but I want to be honest with myself that I don't really have the time or the sanity to investigate them thoroughly. For my literature and film class I could spend hours and hours everyday reading and researching about Barcelona and Spain and still not really have a complete sense of the history and culture that allows the creation of the literature and film that we are studying, and then the total impact of these works and their significance in everyday life as well as national and local identity. It's all just too complicated. I think the professor was greatly disheartened at the class's general lack of knowledge about Barcelona and Spain in general, especially in areas of history, geography and politics. Obviously the class does not delve into these subjects with great attention to detail, but if we were better informed we would have a much easier time grasping the importance of the creative works that we are going to study. I hope that I am able to enjoy what we study on a higher level than simple entertainment, but if not-- I'm okay with that.

It sounds awful in my head, but I'm really not motivated to go out of my way to really explore and examine the culture here. I am content to investigate what I want and learn what I am taught in a formal setting. I would be perfectly fine with never having an in depth conversation with someone from Barcelona about their everyday life. I am here to improve my Spanish and travel. Sure I want to meet people that I would not get the chance to meet in the U.S., but I think that's different than having a desire to immerse myself in their culture. I am willing, for example, to try new foods but I don't see the point in putting the effort in to eat something new and/or traditional all the time. I like going to the supermarket and buying my frozen chicken nuggets and making my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Maybe it is a comfort thing, but it is also very practical in my mind.

I do have a very random complaint about the supermarkets here. I have been dying to buy bananas but they do not sell them in small bunches here. Either they are prepackaged in a large bunch (we're talking like six or seven) or you must hope that you encounter a naturally occurring bunch that isn't as large. I went to break off two bananas from a bunch at one of the fruit stands today and the shop owner reacted like I had broken an entire aisle's worth of glass jars. He sprinted towards me and snatched the bunch out of my hands before I could break off what I wanted. I told him I was sorry and walked away. I'm not buying a huge bunch when I am just one person and couldn't possible eat that much in the short amount of time that they will still be fresh. Maybe I can get someone to go in halfsies with me...

But there are always trade offs I suppose. They have yellow plums here that I absolutely adore. Perhaps they exist in the U.S. somewhere but I have never seen them. I am just content that I can find decent quality fruit here that isn't super expensive. It is hard to eat healthy here with all the pastry shops and ever popular fattening bocadillos (whatever you could think of in between hard as rocks halves of a baguette). I've been making all of my own food in an attempt to keep my weight in check, we'll see how that goes.

I have an assignment to complete and I want to get it done tonight but it is hard to be motivated because it isn't due until next Monday. We hard to write a short essay explaining what we thought Barcelona was going to be like before we got here and then what was our initial reaction after we arrived. I'm not sure if I can be brief about that at all! I think it is better to get it done soon because we are going to Sevilla early Friday morning and won't be back until late Sunday night. In addition, I have no idea what other homework I'm going to be responsible for...

Right now I have to go attend to my laundry. The machines are finally working in the residencia so it is now my responsibility to clean my clothes. (While the machines were out of order CIEE was paying for someone else to take our clothes to a laundromat and handle them for us, a luxury I had never experienced before.) It's expensive, 2.50 euros to wash and 3 euros to dry, but that's common in Europe from what I've heard. It's a little confusing as to why the capacity of the washers is 9kg while the capacity of the dryers is 14kg. The dryers are rather huge, I'm sure some of the short and skinny girls here could fit inside them comfortably, but they take half as long to do their job than they do in the machines I've used in the U.S. Again, trade offs abound.

nikki

On a happier note...

(I'd recommend reading the post previous to this one first because you'll appreciate it a lot more.)

Once I recovered from the purse slashing, we went to the circus and it was interesting, so the day was not a waste by any means. So far the La Mercé festival has been a great way to relax and appreciate being in Barcelona. Yesterday we saw the human towers, which has been something I've always wanted to see live but never thought I'd get the chance. That's what the pic above is from. Unfortunately that was the best shot I could get because there were just so many people in the plaza that it was very difficult for a shortie like me to get a clear view. The excitement sort of makes up for what happened today... almost.

The one complaint I have about the festival is that the main programs are only available in Catalan. There is a very small pamphlet available in Spanish but it doesn't offer a map or complete descriptions of the activities or even a coherent timetable. If you want something meaning full in English, you are definitely out of luck. Only after searching for hours were we able to find one site with some info in English. The official web site for the festival definitely shows the hierarchy of languages here. All of the info is available in the Catalan version. Some of the info is available in the Spanish version. Almost nothing is available in the English version. I feel that if they take the time to make three versions they should give them all equal attention. If you are only going to post three articles on the English website, why bother creating one in the first place? It seems more disrespectful to only give a little bit of info, it seems to me like an acknowledgment and subsequent dismissal like "We know you tourists are going to come to our activities but we're not going to make it easy for you to invade our cultural events and disrupt our pride in our city." I know I was trying to speak Spanish as much as I could while out and about yesterday in the crowds because I didn't want to draw attention to myself as a foreigner. I probably wasn't that successful, but you can't always hide who you are.

Right now I am very tired from walking around all day yesterday and today but apparently there is some concert going on at midnight tonight and a bunch of people are going. I should go and be social and show that I want to put myself out there, because I do, I really do want to be a part of things. There is no other way that I'm going to survive here.

nikki

There's no easy way to say this...

I almost got robbed on the Metro today. A group of us were on the escalator coming out of the Espanya stop on the way to the circus that's part of the La Mercé festival when this woman kept bumping into me. I grabbed my bag tighter and stepped away a little bit, but didn't think it was anything serious. I was talking to one of the girls from the program who was two steps above me on the escalator and turned around to face me. The strap on my bag was over my head and my arm was over my bag covering the zippered main compartment and both of the side pockets. I thought I was being smart and no one could find a way to take my things.

Oh so wrong. When I got to the top of the escalator I felt someone's hand brush against my hip. I turned around and felt the side of my bag. A sizeable hole had been cut into it. Once out on the plaza I scrambled to take account of my things and luckily nothing was missing. There honestly hadn't been enough time on the escalator to rip a hole big enough to get anything of value out. Also, the only thing worth anything in the main compartment of my purse is my camera and that is in a huge cumbersome case that never would've fit through a hole that size.

Even though nothing was gone, my heart would not stop beating out of my chest. I just felt so violated. I know that's really strong and I should just learn a lesson to be more vigilant and move on, but my mind is really stuck on this. I start to blame myself and think of all the things I could've done differently, all of the ways that I draw attention to myself and present myself as an easy target. I don't take it personally exactly, but I can definitely see how being distracted and speaking in English worked against me. It's the festival and some events were going on at the Metro stop. Everything about me screamed innocent tourist. I was just lucky that nothing was taken, just dumb luck.

Now I have to find a new bag that is more theft resistant. I guess I should choose a tougher fabric to cut? Something with a tighter strap that I can hold completely in front of me at all times? I just feel so much more paranoid now, staring at everyone with mounting suspicion. The entire day after this happened I kept thinking that there is someone looking at me right now that is evaluating whether or not they can rob me.

It's not that I thought I was invincible, I just always considered myself responsible and aware of my surroundings. I always thought that people who get robbed without being threatened by a weapon were careless with their belongings in some way. In the end I don't think I was careless, I simply was subjected to a manner of theft that I never considered possible before.

For now I have another bag that is more like a purse, very small and made of (fake) leather. I'm guessing I can keep it closer to my body and cover the entire thing with my arms. I need to learn how to look like I know the dangers and refuse to be taken advantage of. I want people to think that I'm not worth the trouble.

I shouldn't be so shaken by this, but in the end what really gets me is that someone had an object sharp enough to cut through fabric right next to my skin. I'm honestly surprised that I wasn't cut. I'm ticked off that I'm going to remember this forever, that someone has forced their way into my memory. I don't want to give them that power but I don't feel like I can stop and reverse that reaction.

I'll just have to be more careful and accept that if someone wants to rob me they are going to find a way to do it.

nikki

A Few Words of Caution

1.) Don't make international calls at a phone booth in an airport using a credit card. Despite what they might tell you, the rate per minute is ridiculously high and the connection fee is unbelievable.

CASE IN POINT: I made a call from the Madrid airport using a credit card. It was under a minute, only a quick message left on voicemail. It took a while to post of my account, but when I checked my statement today there was a charge for $54.33. For one minute on the phone. After complaining to Mastercard they said that I had to take up the issue with the phone service. After waiting on hold for ten minutes, I finally got to talk to a person and convinced her to give me my money back. Now I have to hope that the credit comes through soon, because Mastercard won't take the block off my account until my dispute of this charge is settled.

2.) Don't believe credit card companies when they say that notifying them of your travels will prevent you from having problems using your card(s) while abroad.

CASE IN POINT: I just spent 15 minutes on hold and 5 minutes trying to explain to Bank of America why I tried to use my credit card to purchase airplane tickets in Spain. Before I left I had made it perfectly clear to the company that I was going to use this card and yet when I tried it did not work. I am lucky that I was able to use my debit card, otherwise I would've lost my flight reservation.

Honestly, my debit card still working is what has saved me recently. I set up an online verification account for it, so whenever I try to use it online it redirects me to the account and when I type in my password the transaction is approved. I haven't found a way to set this up for credit cards.

So after a long night of dealing with lovely customer service representatives, I have done what I can to alleviate my financial woes. I'm just happy that I've been paying cash for all of my face to face transactions and haven't had to deal with this on a daily basis. Also, Skype deserves a big shout out for making it possible to call toll free numbers while I'm abroad. The credit card companies have collect numbers that you can call from abroad, but it can be more trouble than it's worth to try to call collect.

Now my next fight is with the iNext insurance company, which is the service that CIEE purchased for all of the kids in the program. I had to see a doctor, which cost about $180. I had to pay this out of pocket and then file a claim with the company and they'll reimburse me whenever they feel like it. Well I called them last Thursday to send me the claim forms via email and I'm still waiting. I'm too tired now (it's 12:30 am) to make that call. It should be easier in theory... but I've strained my voice enough tonight. I have to preserve something for my oral presentation tomorrow.

And yet there is light at the end of the tunnel. This weekend is the big Barcelona cultural festival La Merce, next weekend is the CIEE sponsored (freeeee!) trip to Sevilla and then the weekend after that is the three day weekend that everyone is traveling. Because I could use my debit card, I was able to book plane tickets & hostel reservations for a weekend in Alicante! So much to look forward to!

I just have to get through the next two days of class, a final exam and the aforementioned presentation.

nikki

Girona

I spent a little less than 24 hours in Girona this weekend, and 9 of those were "sleeping" (in the sense that I was lying in a bed attempting to rest). This might seem like a small amount of time, but it was really all I needed. I visited the Catalonia Museum of Art and the Museum of Film. I really liked the Museum of Film, it showed the progression of drawings on paper all the way to complete movies in color with sound. There were a lot of authentic objects used throughout the centuries to capture images in a variety of ways. The quote above really struck me. It seems so simple, but it sums up in a few words how much the ability to capture movement and sound means to our society.

The one bad part about the museum is that the use of perfectly cleaned glass caused me to hit my head hard against one such pane. I bent down to look through one of the view finders and got too close. I had no idea that there was a pane of glass separating me from the object, as in many other instances there were objects that were not protected. I was so afraid that I was going to set off some alarm that I didn't realize how much my head hurt at first. There is a slight bump on my forehead, but nothing that anyone other than me would notice. I hope they weren't too mad at having to clean the imprint of my head off the glass...

The other picture above sums up what the town looked like, very traditional with stones and steep inclines everywhere. It was interesting to me to see how many people actually lived here, as there were many apartment doors that jutted out from the stone walls. I felt like I would be insanely bored and annoyed at living in such a small town overrun with tourists on a daily basis. There were some nice shops and plenty of fancy restaurants, but nothing overly exciting. I was upset that the Museum of Jewish History is closed on the weekends, that was the one thing I really wanted to see. If you go back far enough in my family there were a lot of devout Jews. I personally don't subscribe to the beliefs, but it would've been a great experience for me to see some of the remnants of Jewish settlements in Spain from many centuries ago. I am upset that I read the schedule wrong, but honestly I did my best- it was in Catalan afterall.

However I am convinced that the schedule online for the busses from Girona to Barcelona was incorrect. I checked and double checked on the times so I would have my pick of departure times today. Before arriving I wasn't sure how long I would want to spend there. It turned out that one day or so was sufficient for what I wanted to accomplish, and I have a oral presentation and final exam to prepare for. I got to the bus station at 9 for a 10 o'clock bus and it wasn't on the schedule. Because it's Saturday, none of the info desks were open. I had to wait for a bus from the same company to show up and then ask for a schedule. Luckily they had one, and I was insanely ticked off as well as dumbfounded that the only departures to Barcelona were at 8:45 in the morning and 4:45 in the evening. There was no way that I was waiting until the evening to depart, so I had to go to the train station and pay extra money to get home at a reasonable time. I was fortunate that there was a train leaving at 10:15, but it still sucked to have to spend more money. I had bought a round trip ticket for the bus and now half of that money has been wasted. I guess I will try to learn from this experience.

I'm just happy that I know enough Spanish to speak up about such issues and find the right info. Even being able to complain about a charge on the bill at dinner last night made me very happy. I could've just as easily accepted the accidental charge (it was only 1 euro) but I decided that I would take a chance and articulate the issue as best as I could. I was surprised at my success. I kept thinking that there was no way I could maneuver this well when I go to France. I'm not sure when I'm going yet, but I really want to go to Paris and there is an amusement park outside the city that is supposed to be wonderful. From what I've heard, Paris is difficult to get around because most of the signs are not in English. I'll manage (I'll have to) but I'm not looking forward to it. I'll do my best to find an English - French phrase book somewhere around here...

nikki

Pharmacies

When I first got here I thought it was very strange that the pharmacies were so small. When you walk in, there are a few products on shelves (innocuous things like sun screen and wrinkle cream) but a few feet past the entry way there is a long counter and usually two women in white coats stand behind it waiting to serve you. Everything is behind that counter. There is no such thing as picking out a certain kind of medicine for yourself. You must interact with a human being in order to receive what you need.

I guess this is a good thing, a place where I am forced to use my Spanish. But it just makes it very awkward to always have to explain to someone why you need a certain product instead of being able to pluck it off a shelf and take it to the counter where no words are exchanged between you and the 17 year old cashier.

A group of us in the residencia have come down with the same cough in the past few days. We have a few theories for our sickness, and it's probably a combination of them all that is the true cause. First, the change in weather must be taken into account. It dropped 15 degrees overnight. I love the cooler weather but it can really throw your body into a tailspin when it is subjected to a radically different environment. Second, everyone smokes in Spain and they smoke everywhere they can. There are some laws that prohibit smoking in some public places, but no one follows them and they are not enforced. Just walking around the city I probably inhale two or three cigarettes worth of smoke everyday. Most of us are not used to smoke in our lungs and think it is definitely irritating our bodies. Third, the residencia is very new and people have found all sorts of imperfections within it. Certain things were just not completed before they opened the building the day before I arrived. We have hypothesized that there is some sort of malfunction with the heating/cooling vents possibly involving mass quantities of dust and perhaps chemicals. We know we aren't going to die, we're just hacking away uncomfortably.

So I went to the pharmacy to purchase some cough syrup and was intimidated to learn that I would have to ask for it. The pharmacist talked to me like I was an idiot when she heard my awfully american accented Spanish, but at least I got what I needed. I still need to see if I can find cough drops somewhere. Perhaps tomorrow I will go to another pharmacy and see if I can explain to the pharmacist what I am looking for. I don't think I will ever get used to not having certain items readily available in the supermarket. It doesn't make sense to me why cough syrup and the like would have to be kept hidden behind a counter.

It makes me wonder what people from Spain think when they go into a CVS in the states...

Later I went to a new supermarket to see if I could find any different products or perhaps better prices. It took me half a minute to realize that everything in the store was in Catalan. But instead of being frustrated, I was intrigued by the challenge. I could look at the product and see the name in Catalan and save the info for later. I'm just happy that I could find some icepops for my throat. They were pretty expensive and only come in packs of four but at least I have something.

I have to go to the supermarket about once every three days here. My fridge is very small and the mini freezer in the kitchen is shared between 12 people. But also the portions that are sold in the stores are very small. You can't get the equivalent of a gallon of milk in one container. Tuna fish is sold in cans half the size of the ones I buy in the states. As I run out of things I have to keep going back to buy more. It's a switch to go several times a week for a few items at a time when I'm used to hauling my cart over to Whole Foods once a week and lugging all of my loot home in one trip.

What was interesting about this supermarket was that there were no bags of any kind to put your purchases into. Most people here have their own personal carts covered in fabric that they use to transport groceries from the store to their house. The other supermarket I've been going to is part of a chain so maybe that's why they have plastic bags. But this smaller supermarket had nothing of the sort and I had to walk home very carefully to not drop something. I was very happy that I had limited my purchase as I couldn't have carried one more item.

This morning I inquired about switching into the Spanish grammar class for the fall. It will most likely be possible that I can get into the grammar class or the writing class instead of the language and society class I'm registered for now. Either of those two classes will help me improve my Spanish so I can have an easier time in my other three classes that are taught in Spanish but are about other subjects like history and film. In order to make the switch I need the sign off from my advisor at Northeastern. I sent her an email but got an automatic response that because it's the beginning of the semester and everyone wants to add/drop classes she isn't able to respond to emails. She advised to go to her walk in hours or call and make an appointment for the end of the month. Obviously I cannot do these things. I called the advising office and was put on hold. I waited for two minutes and hung up because it is very expensive to call the U.S. and I wasn't going to waste any more money. I am going to call tomorrow right when the office opens (8:3o Boston time) and hopefully not have to be put on hold. I am not very hopeful that I will get what I need (a simple yeahthat'sfine email) but I have to try. It's just annoying because my advisor doesn't care what I take because my degree is completed. It should be enough for me to say that I want to switch classes. I hate when something like this comes up and reminds me that I'm not in control of my life yet.

nikki

Soy estudiante

Today I took the first test I've had since December. 8 1/2 months of rest for my academic brain. This past weekend was three days but the entire time I felt like I had this cloud over my head, a responsibility to not waste time and study efficiently.

I did okay on the test, but not as well as I think I deserved to. I probably studied more than most of the people in the class, but it turned out that what I focused on was not what the test focused on. I spent hours learning the rules to conjugate verbs in four tenses. I wrote out all the exceptions and memorized as much as I could. I now feel much better about some of my grammatical knowledge, but for 90% of the test I did not have to conjugate a single verb. It was disappointing. I just hate when my knowledge is not accurately reflected in an assessment. For some reason, it matters to me that the teacher knows I'm doing my best-- and my performance on this test gives the impression that I didn't take it seriously.

There's nothing I can do to change the outcome so I'm not stressing too badly. Hopefully I won't repeat the same mistakes on the final exam. That's all I can really do at this point.

As a general observation, time goes by very quickly here. I had to purchase a bus ticket and do a little food shopping after class so I didn't get home until after 7 (class ends at 5:15). Then of course I wanted to make some dinner and catch up on email. So now it's after 8 and I'm quite settled into my room for the night. We are taking a tour of the Gothic quarter tomorrow morning (architecture ahoy!) and I don't have the luxury of waking up as late as I have been these past few days. My goal is to go to bed by midnight, but I'm not sure that's going to happen. So obviously if I stay up late my body is going to want to sleep in later. I almost never slept past 9 or so in Boston (when I was on co-op for seven months I had to get up at 7:30 five days a week) but here I've been sleeping until 10 or 11.

The time difference makes it difficult because midnight is 6 o'clock in Boston and that's usually a good time to talk to friends. I haven't been able to go to bed when people are still around to chat online. It is like I wait all day to have a little conversation so I don't want to only give myself a taste of what I want.

My bed is very comfortable and sleep is a treasured escape from my current reality, as long as I don't remember my dreams. Last night I dreamt that for some unknown reason the program was cancelled and I found myself with the opportunity to leave Spain immediately or travel to my heart's content. For the first time I actually felt excited about having time to travel and felt so much better about only being away for a month or two. Obviously this isn't how things are going to play out. I'm not here only for pleasure.

As difficult and uncomfortable as it is, being here forces me to use my Spanish to be understood. I must've spent ten minutes around the corner from the ticket window trying to convince myself that I could buy a bus ticket successfully. I am so proud of myself for facing my fear and taking the chance. It was so much easier than I could've anticipated as my travel related vocabulary is pretty extensive. It also seemed that the woman behind the counter was speaking slower than normal because she could tell I wasn't a native speaker. That's all I really need, a slower pace of speech, and my comprehension improves dramatically. This experience makes me feel compassion for the people in the U.S. that are not 100% with their English. I am definitely going to have more patience with them in the future because I now know what it is like to struggle. I know some people in the U.S. have the attitude that as soon as you are in the country you should speak English and only English but they don't understand how intimidating that can be for a foreigner. It makes me nervous to think that a similar mindset is common here. I'm not sure if it is, but sometimes it feels like it-- that people don't think I belong here because my Spanish is rather deficient.

I have noticed that when I address people in Spanish they can tell from my (lack of) accent that I'm an English speaker and respond in English when they can. I've had to insist that they talk to me in Spanish, even though I've had to ask "Por favor de hablar más despacio" (please speak more slowly) a few times. People do tend to get impatient with me, but I need to keep at it. I need to get over my fear of being judged and do the things I need and want to do. For example, I need to send out some postcards but I've been hesitant to go to the post office to find out what stamps I need. I looked on the correos website but I am having trouble understanding the price table. I think I have time Thursday morning to tackle this task (it's my understanding that post offices, like banks, close in the early afternoon).

As my accomplishment list gets longer I will be more confident about making a real life here.

nikki

Someone Else's Pride and Food

Last night I did end up going to the National Catalonia Day music festival. There were a lot of people with Catalonia flags draped around them like capes and hanging from poles that were constantly being waved around wildly. There were booths set up for people to sign petitions for Catalonia's independence and buy all sorts of Catalonia pride gear. The music was interesting, it was the first time that I saw a band live that wasn't singing in English. Most of the lyrics were in Catalan so I didn't understand what was going on, but the beats were interesting and there were so many people dancing around that you couldn't help but do some grooving of your own. However, I definitely felt like an outsider crashing a rally with serious significance to another culture. Some people here feel very strongly that Catalonia should be it's own country because of many differences between it and Spain as a whole. It surprised me that there could be such a peaceful celebration of Catalonia culture when there is such an undercurrent of dissatisfaction and anger at being under Spain's rule. The entire time I was in the crowd (about three hours) I was constantly worried that people were judging me for being there, that the redheaded white girl shouldn't be poking her nose in where she doesn't belong. I'm sure no one really cared, but it was the first time that I felt like everyone could see that I was a foreigner, I stood out for my appearance- something I can obviously not change. In the U.S. I have felt this way when gender has been important in a certain situation/place, but never because of my race. It's unsettling, and yet I am glad that I am having the experience of not looking like everyone else around me. It helps me appreciate what I take for granted back home.

After the concert I walked back to the residencia by myself because everyone was going their separate ways to different clubs and such. It was only a 15 minute walk back, but it was midnight and I was a little nervous. I kept my purse close and my head held high to look like I knew where I was going and had no fear at all. It made me miss the security I usually feel in Boston, the confidence that I know how to get myself out of a tough situation should something bad happen. The potential for an emergency is the main reason that I got a phone here. I don't like the thought of being stuck somewhere without a way to call for help.

All in all it wasn't a bad night, despite the fact that a group of us went out for tapas before the concert and there was barely any food. I had to pay 3.50 euros (about $5) when all I ate was a few small potato pieces and two crawfish. The concept of tapas is really weird to me here. People talk about it like it's one kind of food when really anything can qualify as a tapa as long as it's small enough to fit on a piece of bread. I am not on as strict of a budget as some people here, but I can't stand wasting money on food. I'm going to do some investigating and see what kinds of food are unique to Spain so I can have those experiences, but it is just not worth it to eat a restaurant all the time when you can go to a supermarket and put in a little effort to make something yourself.

However, I definitely wouldn't mind going to another tapa bar that has the buffet style like I did on my second day in Spain back it Sitges. There were at least ten different kinds of tapas and you could have as many as you wanted of whichever kind. The way they calculate the bill is to count the number of toothpicks on your plate after you have finished. (Each tapa pretty much needs a toothpick to keep the food from falling off the small piece of bread.) Obviously this system relies on honesty from the customer, as the first thing I though would be to pocket some of the toothpicks so you don't have to pay for everything you ate. I wonder if that's considered the same thing as shoplifting.

As the random thought of the day, does anyone know if there is such a thing as raw bread crumbs? Almost everything that is sold frozen in the supermarket comes with directions to be fried in a lot of oil. I'm lazy and not a fan of extra fat, so I like to defrost and heat things in the microwave. However, this food I made tonight had breadcrumbs on the outside that obviously were not cooked by the microwave and were a little chewy. I didn't mind the taste, I just wonder if it's somehow a bad idea to keep preparing the food like this. The cheese and meat inside was more than warm enough, but the outside just wasn't as I know it should be.

nikki

Try to Learn a Lesson

Yesterday after class a bunch of us went to Park Guell which is where there are a lot of Gaudi architecture. It's a huge park on top of a ridiculously tall hill with great views of the city. I can't explain in words what the different statues looked like. The one house looked like a gingerbread house to me, I wanted to go up and lick the walls. It was great to go out and do something to explore the city, but I was really bothered by the fact that every twenty minutes or so I felt this strong urge to leave so I could go back to the residencia and get on Skype to talk to people from home. The day before had been extremely difficult and I hadn't been able to connect with anyone to talk about it, so by yesterday afternoon I was in dire need of a familiar listener. I did enjoy the outing, but I kept feeling pulled away, almost as if I was scared to have a good time. Now that I purchased a skype number and people can call me and leave messages, I hope that it will be easier to keep in touch. But I need to figure out how to make talking to people from home just one of the things I look forward to. Right now I do think it is helping, but if I remain reliant on this communication to keep going I'm never going to feel comfortable here. I just feel so mixed up. It takes a lot of effort to do things.

I came here to improve my Spanish but my class is really frustrating me. I have my midterm on Monday and I am stressing out very badly. I want to know this material. I want all of this to make sense. My Spanish sucks. How am I going to take classes in film, history and literature that are taught exclusively in Spanish? How am I going to be able to write papers in Spanish on academic subjects when it took me two and a half hours to write a 100 word biography of a famous person? Sometime this weekend I have to write a 200 word anecdote of something interesting that has happened to me and I know it is going to take forever. My goal was to complete it today, but it's already 3 o'clock and I just don't have the patience to sit down and focus right now. Today, September 11th, is National Catalonia Day so there are some pride events going on. Some people are going to a Catalan music festival this evening, so I'm making myself go because when else am I going to have the opportunity to listen to Catalan music live? I know I'll have a decent time and it will be better than sitting inside by myself. I have about three hours until I need to leave. Ideally I would complete my Spanish assignment, take a shower and feel energized to go enjoy an interesting night. I am going, but I just can't be excited for it yet. This whole experience thus far is really hard to categorize. There are some highs, but mostly a lot of really low lows. Slowly I am figuring out how to integrate the familiar into an unfamiliar existence, but I just don't know the pace at which I can realistically deal with change. One of my goals is to go to an intercambio meeting Tuesday night in which English speakers go to practice Spanish with native speakers, and then the Spanish speakers can practice their English with native speakers. It's a meeting outside of the program and I'll get to meet all sorts of new people of different ages and backgrounds. They meet twice a week every week so I know I have plenty of opportunities to go, but I can't keep saying I'll go next time. I'll need to push myself to go the first time, and then hopefully I'll like it and be able to fit it into my schedule to keep going and form some bonds with some locals.

I need to figure out what I want out of this experience. Nothing will happen if I don't put myself out there and take some risks. But where can I find some motivation? I need support, but no one is here that I trust to help me. No one here really knows me. I don't know me anymore. I am terrified at how much I am changing. I knew this would happen. I knew this would be a big transition in my life, but it all feels like I'm losing so much at once. I'm also gaining things. I know that, but I need to feel it as well. Right now I feel lost. I want to talk to people. I want to know that I'm not going crazy.

This morning I just kept sleeping, kept forcing myself to go into dreamland so I didn't have to deal with this reality. That's not the way to be. It's cheating myself out of an experience that I've been preparing for for a year and a half. I need to make this experience worth everything that I'm sacrificing.

Where can I find some joy? Where can I find some peace? I need to breathe. I need to live in the moment. One day at a time, hell one minute at a time if need be. I need to take control. I'm 22 years old. I am not a child. I have the power to decide for myself what I want my life to be. I am lucky to have this time before having the burden of being in the real world with consistent responsibilities. Right now I don't have to worry about maintaining a place of residence or employment. I have academic assignments, but I need to remember that I wanted this. I wanted to learn. I wanted to be challenged. If I knew Spanish well enough not to be struggling right now, I wouldn't be here.

I can do what I can do. I need to figure out how to take from classes what I want and just leave the rest, to stop worrying about what I can't do and focus on what is within my power. I am influential in my own life. I am responsible. I deserve this time for myself, to discover more about who I am. One day at a time. One minute at a time. One second at a time. I will get through this.

And yet I feel like a frog with abnormally short legs, straining to leap from lily pad to lily pad of security. I will make it. I will land. I will not drown.

It just scares me sometimes that I start to have these thoughts that no one would notice if I was gone, that people in Boston know I'm not around so if I never came back it wouldn't impact their lives. There are thoughts that I haven't had in a long time, thoughts that I never wanted to have again. They are irrational. People care about me. People love me. I am worthy and deserving and have a purpose in this life, no matter where I am in the world.

As if you couldn't tell, I'm really blunt and honest when I write. Please don't misread this as a cry for attention. I use writing to deal with my feelings and represent my contemplation of life. Maybe I shouldn't always let others see all of this, but sometimes it helps to have it all out in the open. Do with it what you will.

nikki

Oink oink.

Can we dwell for a moment on the fact that sunblock in the pharmacy that is the same as the sunblock I buy in the U.S. costs $30? Granted, I am very light skinned so I use a high SPF sunblock and I prefer the spray to the lotion, but 30 freakin dollars???? Do they hand make it in a special factory on some unknown island and import it on sailboats? I found a less expensive sunblock in a supermarket, but I'm not convinced it will give me the protection I need. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. On to more important matters...

This morning we went on a field trip to an open air market on Las Ramblas, the main tourist street of Barcelona. The market pretty much had wall to wall people, but we had a little scavenger hunt to carry out and a lot of the other kids were able to weave their way in and out of foot traffic in order to compete fiercely. At first I did pretty well with the fruits and vegetables tasks. But then I entered the carneceria (carne = meat) and had to struggle to keep myself from dry heaving. There were all sorts of parts of different animals on display including organs and skulls. There were sheep heads that still had teeth attached! I didn't think I was so squeamish when it came to dead animals, but it affected me pretty badly. I understand that the philosophy of consuming the entire animal makes logical sense, as the argument against waste is a good one, but it still left me disgusted. I didn't judge the consumers for their taste, but wondered if I had been exposed to such things presented as food all my life if I could somehow still have the same distaste for it. Part of me says yes, given the existence of vegetarians that were exposed to meat as food and made the person decision not to consume it. But part of me thinks that accepting certain parts of animals as food and the concept of animal as food are very different. I saw a young kid, not older than 3, standing against the glass case at one of the meat stands, eye to eye with a dead pig. He was laughing and pointing at it, trying to get his father's attention. All I could think was "Is he asking what the piggy is doing in the case with his eyes closed, or is he indicating his preference for dinner tonight?" I won't ever get to know.

nikki

Tengo exito en algo

Today I figured out how to put Spanish subtitles on the tv, so I can actually understand what I'm watching now! Not every channel has the subtitles, but most of the ones with the shows I like do. It might seem like I'm taking an easy way out, but it actually helps me with my Spanish to see and hear the same thing at once. I can slowly connect the pronunciation with the word that I know on paper. In an hour I think Boy Meets World (Yo y el mundo) comes on and I'd really like to watch that. I'm not getting addicted to tv, it is just something that can calm me down at the end of the day (it's 10:30pm now).

I finally went to the grocery store (two actually) today. I bought all sorts of practical things and really hope that I didn't spend too much money. I have resigned myself to the fact that I can't really comparison shop here. All I can do is buy the no-name brands and stick to the food that I really need to be eating. I'm not a cook by any means, but I can utilize a stove/oven for my own benefit. In the communal kitchen in the residencia, each person gets their own impossibly small refrigerated section of a fridge. It's nothing that I've ever seen before. Each section is completely separate from the others. There are doors that open to the narrow but deep space, and you can lock your section from the outside. Most people don't use a lock, but I really like to know that what I buy will still be there when I need it, so I've been using one of my luggage locks to secure my food. However, there is only one little mini freezer for everyone. I'm used to having quite a few frozen meals ready for me at one time. Now it's not really fair to hog a freezer that I'm sharing with 11 other people. The portions that you can buy are really small anyway. I think eventually I won't mind having to go to the supermarket a few times a week, for milk at least. They only sell 1 litre containers of milk and that's really not enough for me because I eat a lot of cereal and milk is the only thing I drink besides water.

Speaking of water, I need to remember to drink more. I've been really dehydrated but haven't given it significant attention. The humidity here is insane and the sun is very intense all day long. There are plenty of drinks I could enjoy to stave off the heat, but I just don't have the taste buds for soda or the citrus in juice anymore. Coffee is really out of the question. Tap water. I will live on tap water and like it. I'll also save a lot of money because of it.

So I don't think I mentioned that I live next to what I believe is a funeral home of sorts. The businesses in the immediate area are florists and tombstone sellers. I've never seen a store that has so many different types of tombstones and urns in the display windows. It's kind of creepy and I feel bad when I have to weave my way through people in mourning to get to my residencia. I could be wrong about it being an actual funeral home, but death is definitely in the air over here. It makes me want to learn more about cultural practices surrounding death here. I know it's largely a religious activity, but it would be interesting to see if there are regional differences as well.

This morning we went to one of the main stadiums that they used for the olympics in Barcelona in 1992. It wasn't anything special, but it was cool to say that I've been there and to see how important that event was to the city. There is a really big campaign for Madrid to host the olympics in 2016. I never realized how important the games could be for a city, but when you think about the revenue and world recognition, the benefits are numerous. We also saw the makeshift stadium that they are using for the Women's World Open Beach Volleyball Tournament that starts tomorrow. It's a humbling experience to see a place that certain people have worked their whole lives to get to go to. I don't follow volleyball obviously, but I took a look at the international federation's website and it seems like this event is pretty big for the sport. I must admit an artificial beach volleyball court looked pretty cool in juxtaposition with the highly urban city surrounding it.

I'm feeling a little better about things, but I did make an appointment with the program director to share some of my concerns. I want to see what the deal is about getting a tutor. I've only had two classes so far and I'm not exactly struggling, but it is really important to me to fully understand these topics and do everything I can to make the material stick. I also want to get her opinion on how I should integrate myself into the city, how I can figure out where and when it is okay to roam around by myself. Barcelona is a lot bigger than Boston and I'll have to admit that I'm not as street smart as I should be. Basically I want to talk to her and know that someone cares about looking out for me, someone that I can see face to face.

I can't believe I've been in Spain for less than a week. At this moment a week ago (Boston time) my flight to Madrid hadn't even left yet. How removed from who I once was am I going to feel by the end of this? There really is more riding on this experience for me than for a lot of the other people here. I have no more structure in my life after this. When I get back to Boston nothing will be the same as far as my day to day reality. That is hard to swallow, but I think I should somehow try to make it a reality in my head so I'm not shocked when I do get back to the states. I need to find a way to accept that my life is going places I never could've imagined before. Changes are happening that need to happen in order for me to really join the adult world. I got pretty close to it when I was on co-op and living off campus, but now it will be for real and I won't have some sort of goal that I'm working towards. But for right now I need to finish this program. I need to be dedicated to this experience, and then I can have some fun traveling around before I return to a new reality that I hope will serve me well. I am not sure where to start when trying to plan my travels for Christmas and New Years. I need to go to London and travel more around Spain, but I also need to do more research about which places in Western Europe have the best things to see in winter. I want a chance at getting a good deal on flights and hostel prices, so I really can't wait until last minute. If there is something I hate, it's wasting money because of not planning ahead of time. Why would you want to pay more for the same thing?

I have three whole days to myself this weekend and I am such a nerd for thinking that I need to spend a significant amount of that time studying. I really feel like I owe it to myself to take this seriously and soak up the language as much as I can. Studying can include simply going out in the streets and listening to the conversations around me. I need to start coming up with tasks that I can carry out, little goals that one by one will make me feel better in this city and help with my language comprehension. For example, it would be good to ask for help in the grocery store-- just something that makes me interact with a native speaker for a limited amount of time.

I did find some groups from meetup.com that meet in Barcelona for people to practice their Spanish and English, so maybe when I have a routine figured out I will be able to make room to do that once a week or so. I know the people from those groups will be older than me, but that is usually a good thing because they will take things more seriously and have more experiences to talk about. I should not feel restricted to interacting with people that I meet inside the program and the university. There is an entire city out there for me to discover. As long as I am mindful of my safety I can accomplish a lot.

nikki

Outlook Slowly Improving

I usually listen to music when I write, but I haven't listened to my iPod since the plane ride because a lot of songs have memories attached to them and I don't want to give myself any more reasons to miss Boston. I'm doing a little better today as far as not hating where I am. I walked around the city for a few hours today and I feel better equipped to find where I need and want to go on foot. I'm also a little ticked that I bought the metro pass yesterday that gives you 50 rides to use in 30 days. Of course I'm going to use the metro sometimes, but it really is my preference to walk and it only takes about 30 minutes at most to get to where I have my Spanish language classes. Obviously I need to make an effort to explore places that are further away that it is only practical to utilize the metro. (I keep wanting to call it the T, and even "subway" sounds strange to me.)

I am trying to see if there is anywhere I can travel to next weekend because we have at least three days off, if not four. But last minute things are expensive, and I don't know if I have it in me right now to scour the internet and make a ton of phone calls to try to find a deal.

I didn't get much of what I wanted to accomplish done today because almost everything except some restaurants are closed on Sundays. I knew a lot of the smaller places would be closed, but was really shocked that huge department stores smack in the middle of tourist city (Plaza de Catalunya) has also shut their doors. So I ended up getting some cash from the ATM down the street from my residencia and then later bought some fruit from a small stand a few block over. I'm going to wash the fruit thoroughly of course, but here's to hoping I won't get sick from it anyway. I'm not sure how to test the quality of these sorts of products. In Boston, I always get my fruit from Whole Foods, which isn't a gold standard but comes pretty close to being entirely reliable. I also couldn't get a sense of how knowledgeable the shop keeper might be about her product because she barely acknowledged me when I tried to make my purchase and kept talking on her cell phone. I think I could've put down like 5 euro cents and she wouldn't have noticed.

That brings me to what I have observed about customer service here, it doesn't exist! Obviously you don't tip here, so waiters and other service workers don't need to be nice to you. But it goes beyond that. The attitude here is one that the concept of being late is incomprehensible in most circumstances. If someone says they'll meet you at 11 for dinner, they probably won't show up until 11:30, and not think twice about it. When you're in stores waiting in line, the clerk is under no sort of obligation to work quickly to serve customers as fast as possible. People know that things take time and amuse themselves accordingly. I waited behind a family of six for almost 20 minutes in a quick food place and had to keep reminding myself that this is how people operate here. Another example of this is when I had an issue with my room key at the residencia and had to wait in line to see if I could get another. There were probably 10 people in line ahead of me. There was no sense of urgency among the people behind the desk. They took their time with each request and really only focused on one customer at a time.

I guess in a way that philosophy in life makes sense, to enjoy every moment and not try to cram a thousand things into every second. But still, I am used to things being quick. It will be hard to quell that fire of urgency inside of me. I walk so much faster than everyone else on the street because I am always so focused on getting where I need to go as soon as possible. Obviously today when I was walking around I went a little slower because I'm memorizing which streets connect where and what can be found on them, but in general I don't like to waste time. I want to walk at the top speed that I'm comfortable at, otherwise I feel like I'm not utilizing the full potential of the situation.

I still need to unpack completely and organize my room so it feels like I live here. Everything is so white it reminds me of a hospital. I wish I had brought more decorative things from home, but again I knew the importance of packing light. I'll think of something. I really wish I had easy access to a printer. I could print out pictures and instantly feel better about my surroundings! I also would have a much easier time getting around if I could print out maps from googlemaps when I'm trying to find a place. The paper maps they gave us are too big to be helpful and instead of indicating where metro stops are, they have markings of where every McDonalds can be found, because of their sponsorship.

I also need to do the first homework assignment that I've had since December, one of an almost incomprehensible amount to come. I really need my brain to get used to being a student again. I know I have so much more to learn and will benefit from this in some way, even if it's not to the extent that I wanted it to be.

But at the same time, I need to relax. I am going to find time to go to the pool on the roof and just breathe while taking in the view of a new city. I wish the sun set earlier so I could enjoy the water for a while without the rays cooking my fair skin. I am probably the only person here who isn't enjoying the sunny upper 70s low 80s weather...

nikki

Nothing Good to Say

Right now it's the social aspect of all of this that's getting me down. I know that I'm being perceived as snobbish because I have gone off by myself a few times. I just need time to clear my head and somehow reinforce who I am to myself. I feel very lost here, in every sense of the word. I promise I will keep trying to be friends with people. I want to make friends, to have people that I enjoy hanging out with. I'm just stuck in the same place thinking that people don't like me. I need to figure out what I can do differently because I am genuinely interested in getting to know some of the people on the program. I need alone time, but I also need to see how other people are feeling and see if we can help each other through things. Someone else must be feeling less than stellar like me at this point. I am going to try to make the best of the situation but...

I shouldn't have picked this program. I chose Barcelona because it was the only Spanish city that had a beginner to intermediate level program (Language and Culture). I was not confident enough in my Spanish to take anything advanced. But after I applied and all the deadlines passed, CIEE (the company that deals with these programs in lieu of Northeastern University) told me that I had to go into the Liberal Arts program because I had taken advanced Spanish. IF I KNEW THAT I HAD TO BE IN AN ADVANCED PROGRAM I WOULD HAVE CHOSEN A CITY THAT ONLY SPEAKS SPANISH! I came to Spain to be immersed in Spanish and I've ended up in one of the few parts of Spain that speaks another language in addition to Spanish. It was explained to me that everyone was fluent in both Catalan and Spanish and it would not pose any issues, but only enhance the cultural experience. However I have quickly learned that if you speak Spanish here you can often be treated like a foreigner, someone inferior. It is a sure sign that you do not belong. I often feel that way with cashiers when they ask me something in Catalan and when I don't respond right away they either bark at me in English or simply shake their heads and wave for me to leave. I know I should stand my ground and say something in Spanish, but again, not that confident in my language skills AND I'm just not a very confrontational type of person. I guess I need to get used to the fact that often the most necessary and simple tasks in the U.S. are going to be somewhat difficult here.

Today I went to a papelería to buy notebooks and other school supplies. My first day of class was yesterday and I was so mixed up that I forgot to get prepared for it at all. At the store, it took me almost 45 minutes to find notebooks that were lined instead of graph paper or blank paper. I only found a few abandoned in some corner and grabbed them all up for myself. I tried to share my surprise and frustration with some of the others in my program but they all just stared at me and told me how they prefer blank paper anyway.

I am going to see if I can go see a movie tomorrow. I need to do something to take my mind off things. I can only hope that I can understand enough of the Spanish to get an idea of what's going on in the film...

I am going to write in my personal journal all of the stuff in my head and then transfer what is appropriate to here. Maybe that will make things easier.

nikki

How do I begin?

Because I can't figure out how to move this image lower in the text, this is the explanation for the pic. In the hotel, the shower was set up very strangely. I'm not sure if this is related to the water shortage. There wasn't a shower curtain or glass doors blocking water from getting into the bathroom. There was a pane of glass maybe a foot wide that covered right near the shower head. I wasn't sure how to not make a mess, so I huddled in that one corner and didn't move much. I wonder how everyone else dealt with it...

I have been making little notes of observations and opinions that I should expand upon in this blog. It's only been three days and I have several pages of furiously scribbled marks that somewhat resemble words. It is impossible to write about everything in one long post, so I'll just give a little taste of what has gone on.

I was at a hotel for my first night in Spain, in a small town called Sitges. The hotel is right on the beach and was beautiful. I wanted to go out on the first night but I needed sleep so badly. I had been up for about 48 hours in total. There were some interesting things in the hotel. In Spain, they try very hard to conserve energy. In the rooms, there is a box by the door that controls the electricity. You have to put in your key card in order to turn on the lights/air conditioning etc. It eliminates the possibility of leaving lights on when no one is home. Water is becoming scarce, so they try to do a lot to conserve it. In restaurants, water is never free. In fact, in the place we went for lunch today water was the same price as wine. This is very frustrating to me because all I drink is milk and water and I am so used to saving money by only ordering water. Now it's difficult because if I'm going to be spending money I feel like I should spend it offering an actual beverage.

Orientation activities with CIEE are exhausting. Every day we've done so much. There is a lot of information to take in and a short amount of time to contemplate it. I really am at a loss for words as to how to explain the experience thus far. I'm already pretty frustrated. There are a lot of people here that don't care about improving their Spanish, when that's my main goal while I'm here! No one is really making the effort to speak Spanish to each other, including me. It's awkward. No one is confident in their abilities. I am praying that once we start our intense Spanish language classes things will change. Tomorrow is the first class, and then Monday - Friday for the rest of September we have class for three hours per day. It will be hard, but once I'm learning I will finally feel like I'm accomplishing something.

I'm upset that I'm so frustrated. I should be excited and happy but I feel like my life is in such distress. I want to write more but I am so tired and frazzled and just want to relax instead of keep worrying about everything I need to do. I know it's lame, but I need to spend a good part of Sunday just unpacking and setting up my apartment. Everything is a mess. I need to prepare myself to make this place a home. I need to institute some order here.

I can't explain enough how upset I am that I can't write a thorough post right now. It's just not happening. Lo siento mucho.

Quizas mañana...

muy triste,

nikki

¡Estoy en Barcelona!

Llegue en Barcelona ayer, pero no tuve internet constante y no pude escribir en mi blog en mi primer día en España. He escrito muchas notas sobre las temas que quiero hablar. Desfortunadamente, es más tarde y necesito dormir como la gente necesita respirar. Escribiré a todos sobre todo cuanto antes.

I arrived in Barcelona yesterday, but I didn't have reliable internet and couldn't write in my blog on my first day in spain. I have written lots of notes about what I want to talk about. Unfortunately, it is very late and I need to sleep like people need to breathe. I will write to everyone about everything as soon as possible.

abrazos,

nikki